For the last two weeks or so we’ve been celebrating the joys of Chicken Pox. Our son is just now down to his last two scabs. People always talk about Chicken pox like it’s a walk in the park but we found it to be a really crap illness. The little fella was miserable for about a week – I slept on the floor in his room as he was waking up so often – and he looked like he’d been rolling around in a combination of nettles and lit cigarettes. Thankfully he’s almost completely better now.
Since I created the draft of this post yesterday, our little girl is now showing a couple of suspicious spots around her body. She’s 12 weeks now and hopefully if she has the pox she won’t get it too bad. So much for immunity.
It’s strange to see spring coming around again. This time last year spring was reminding me of how the world just carries on regardless when our children die. Snowdrops and daffodils were starting to bloom, though I also recall stepping over egg shells and tiny chicks who had fallen from their nests…who didn’t make it.
Now spring is here again, and we have come a long way in the 16 months since our littlegirl died. She’s still an everyday presence in our lives and memories still come rushing back at unexpected times; preparing the dinner, sitting on the bus going to work…you know the routine…completely out of the blue you remember some painful detail of birth or getting the news, or the general hugeness of living without your child hits you.
Today we’re supposed to go to the christening of a friends child. We said we would go but I’ll be ringing shortly to cancel as I just don’t think we’re ready to make our ‘big group debute’ at this time. We’ve only been out in company 3 or 4 times since Littlegirl dies so we don’t feel prepared yet to go to a occassion that will be all about babies. (And perhaps all about how wonderful our new baby is – without mentioning Littlegirl) I hope they understand.
Our friends baby who was desperately sick over Christmas is not really out of the woods yet. Since she was sent home from the hospital after her initial spell there she’s had trouble feeding and hasn’t gained much weight in all this time. Her parents are under such terrible stress and fear as she needs to gain strength before facing another operation. Tube feeding with special feed has been started in recent days so hopefully that will be beneficial.
In other news, I’ll be losing my job at the end of the month. This makes it twice in two years that I need to search for a job. The revenue coming in from the projects I manage just isn’t there this year, so I’m out. This time my search will take place in the midst of this country’s deepest recession in years, what an exciting challenge! Thankfully we have some savings and will be able to weather the time it may take to find a new job. We’re very lucky in this regard as so many people are struggling at the moment.