Posted by: irishdad | January 28, 2010

still

Still.

That’s the best way I can sum up how things have been over the past few weeks.

Much of the chatter in my mind has calmed down since the baby was born. Sleep comes easier and runs deeper than it did for most all of last year.

While last year I feel like I spent hours each day thinking of Littlegirl and our lives since she died and fretting over my wife’s pregnancy, this year I’ve just been a bit blank. Maybe I was always like this and just didn’t realise 🙂 or perhaps I’m just taking a break from being stressed and occupied with loss.

Our new baby is fantastic and we love her to bits. Her older brother is being great too with only a few accidental knees to the head and one finger biting incident to account for so far.

Last week we registered the baby’s birth, returning once again to the place where we registered Littlegirl’s death not so many months before. A lighter occasion this time, but still with the ghost of experiences past.

We also took the dust cover off the double buggy we had bought in anticipation of Littlegirl’s arrival. It had been ‘up on bricks’ for a year or so covered by a sheet in my mother in law’s house, waiting in pristine condition for someone to use it.

On the whole things have been great. It has been nice to feel somewhat normal again. We meet other parents of new children and they chat to us and we can talk to them….we’re in the gang again. They always ask how many kids we have, and we’ll tell them three and their ages and generally say nothing when they say how tough it must be to have 3 children under three years old…

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Responses

  1. Strange, isn’t it? Doing all those mundane, everyday things we had just taken for granted we would do with our lost children. Now doing them with our brand new babies…. just really makes you appreciate things all the more. Filling in the paperwork for Angus’ birth certificate and not having to check the box “stillborn” was one of my most satisfying tasks yet.
    And yes, it is nice to finally be in the club.

  2. I’m glad that you are in a good patch. I smiled at the phrase, “somewhat normal”. It seems to sum it all up.

  3. It is great to hear that things feel “normal” for you again. Congratulations on the birth of your baby! I am glad that you tell people that you have three children, because your stillborn is probably smiling down on you from heaven knowing that you recognize her that way. Thank you for sharing your story.


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