Posted by: irishdad | December 31, 2009

hard to explain

First up, our friends’ baby has taken a very positive turn and is off the ventilator.  I say tentatively that she’s through the worst.

***

Back to 2009, and I’m finding it hard to ‘define’ the year. On paper it has been the worst year of my life as I’ve been grieving the death of my daughter, but how can I reconcile that with the birth of  a precious adorable third child?

I don’t know. It has been the worst of times. It has been the best of times.

I can’t decide whether we should be drinking champagne tomorrow evening, or just letting new year’s eve slip by while giving two fingers to 2009 and all the pain and tears we endured.

Really, it should be a combination of both. I now truly understand why the birth of a child should be celebrated. We should dance in the streets when a baby is born.

Also, we should probably give ourselves a little credit for simply getting through the year. Anyone who reads this blog has had a tough year and goddamit gets little credit for having got up each day and kept things together. So for that reason alone, we/you deserve to say ‘I survived 2009, now gimme that bottle’.

On the other hand, the coming year brings a new decade and we leave our beloved children that much more in the past. I know, I know, they are in our hearts and will always be with us. But their dates, their conception and births, are now in a nine or an eight -or beyond, while we move into TEN without them. We’re being dragged into the future whether we like it or not.

I think I’ll raise my glass, bidding adieu to  2009 and farewell, with respect, to the worst days I’ve ever experienced. I’ll raise again to my wife and my children living and deceased, and to all of you who have read or commented on this blog during the year.

I wish for a positive 2010 for all of us.

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Responses

  1. Raising my glass to you and yours. Happy new year. Like you, I’m both happy and sad to be leaving this decade behind.

  2. I think “Eff you, and thank you very much.” is an appropriate toast to 2009. So glad to hear of your friend’s daughter.

    May 2010 be better!

  3. good riddance! I have to second Angie on this one.

    I wish you and all your family a very happy New Year!

    xx Ines

  4. You explain this well. 2009 was and will forever be bitter sweet in your memory. You cannot really compare the hardest and best, the life and death. These are extremes on a scale that cannot really exist without a fairly mixed cocktail of emotions.

    I hope 2010 is a great year for all of you and infinitely better than most of 2009 has been.

    Glad your friends’ baby is making progress

    Take care

  5. That part about moving into a new decade hit home with something I’ve been thinking about over the last few days. I don’t want that distance but neither do I want time to stand still.

    I hope that 2010 will be a better year for all of us.

    I’m glad that there is good news for your friend.

  6. So glad to hear that your friends’ little girl is off the ventilator. I hope that she will continue improving and make a speedy recovery.

    Congratulations on surviving 2009. I raise my glass to you.

    • Thanks Catherine, and congrats to you too on getting through 2009. I hope ’10 is good for you and your family.

  7. Captured my thoughts and feelings perfectly.

    To all who have come to this – and other – blogs through a shared sense of loss and grief, may 2010 be a time of great peace and a much better year for us all!

    (Mr) AndThroughTheStorm

  8. […] 2009 December 31 by andthroughthestorm Posts on other blogs have captured my thoughts and feelings far better than I could possible put (words aren’t […]

  9. Glad to hear that all is well with your friend’s little girl and that all is well with your wife and your little baby. I remember a neighbour saying to me after Kate was born that all was well that we were both well as it doesn’t always happen out that way. I think we have become accustomed to things almost always being fine but you are right, we really need to celebrate when a baby is born healthy and mum and child are both well, rather than taking it for granted.
    All the best for the year ahead, Lorna

  10. I’m getting choked up reading this. This year was the worst year I can remember and like you I feel the same way. I counted down to 2010 but now that its here I realize it wont magically take away the pain I felt losing my two pregnancies, they will always be with me….


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