Posted by: irishdad | December 11, 2009

one year

So that’s a year completed without our daughter.

Her anniversary and the weekend went ok all in all.

The day certainly had its moments, but we had our son with us so he served as a distraction and motivation not to dwell on how horrible things were a year ago and get too upset. When we told him that we were bringing flowers up to Littlegirl’s grave because it was her birthday he asked if we were all going to dance up there. Gotta love the innocence.

After that we planned to go to a visit a farm and see the animals, but the farmers made the fatal mistake of putting the mother pig with her ten two-day-old piglets on view out front…and by the time we were done with that cuteness it started to rain so we never made it in to see the rest of the animals.

That was it for the day really, we didn’t do anything too symbolic or significant, perhaps were just not ready for that yet.

Our parents and some family went to a service of remembrance for babies who die around the time of death organised by ISANDS, which by all accounts was a most beautiful affair, but sounded just too sad and raw for us this time around. We’ll plan to go next year.

We came to the conclusion that the Littlegirl’s anniversary was a) worse in anticipation and b) potentially more difficult for other people than it was for us.

Because we think about her and her loss every single day. We’ve thought about her – and for a long time nothing and no-one else – everyday for a year. That’s what you do when your baby dies, it’s natural and unavoidable.

For friends and family who have not mulled over her death quite so much, when the anniversary swings around they take time to reflect on her absence and remember the time of her death and all those difficult thoughts that are really painful and uncomfortable when you dwell on them.

We’ve been living with the loss every day for a year, so this state of affairs is not shocking to us anymore. Well, most of the time it’s not shocking…sometimes it still hits like a punch in the guts.

We got some nice texts and a couple of cards from people who recalled that this was the time of the anniversary, which was nice. It’s funny though, because when I think about it, it’s like anniversary week around here. There’s the anniversary of the last day of our former lives – before everything came crashing down; the anniversary of finding out the baby had died, of her birth, of the date she was scheduled to be born (yesterday)…of the funeral (tomorrow). I suspect people don’t realise that all these ‘days’ are passing, but that’s ok.

Right, the twitching in my eye suggests it’s time to go to bed.

Still to come: thoughts on the year, and on the week to come.

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Responses

  1. Thinking of Littlegirl, wishing she were here with you.

  2. Perfectly put. The build up and anticipation is worse and you’re right, I think others take the day harder than us. We do live with it every moment of every day. I’m glad the day passed with peace though. Thinking of you guys in the coming weeks. I know you have so much ahead of you now.

  3. Remembering Littlegirl with you…a year. The longest and shortest year. XO

  4. This is a lovely post. I think you captured all the feelings beautifully. I’m glad that the day passed gently for you all.

    Thinking of you all in these coming weeks especially.

  5. thinking of you and remembering your littlegirl with you. i totally agree about people seeming more affected by it then you- you live with it every day. so yeah, for us, we were bombarded with love from every angle but it definitely helped us get through it.
    xo

  6. I’m glad that the weekend went okay. I agree, as with so many things in life, the anticipation is worse than the actual event itself.
    Remembering Littlegirl. xo

  7. I was thinking of you this weekend and am glad to hear that you survived.

    Much of what you say resonates with me especially the idea that we live with the loss of our babies every day and therefore the anniversary is less different for us than for others.

    Take care going forward too

  8. Just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you guys and Littlegirl. I am glad that the anniversaries are passing peacefully.

  9. A beautifully written post,

    Take care,Lorna


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