Posted by: irishdad | August 7, 2009

There are no wrong answers

My first meeting with the Bereavement Therapist took place this morning. It went well.

Now I have an idea why all those residents of Buenos Aires are so fond of their therapy! It’s nice to have someone ask you questions and listen as you talk about the things the have happened in your life.

I didn’t know what to expect before the meeting but Peter quickly put me at ease. He asked me questions such as:

Why was I meeting him?
How was I in general?
What happened to LittleGirl?
How has her death changed my life?
What is the worst aspect of what has happened?

I didn’t see him scribbling any big asterisks beside any of his notes as I answered so I’m satisfied that he doesn’t think I’m nuts! 🙂

Some of these questions he asked were difficult to answer – perhaps precisely because I hadn’t thought of things in particular ways before, but his queries did get me thinking about the issues raised, and I suppose they will settle into the back of my mind and I’ll mull over them until the next time.

I asked him why or how I might benefit from speaking with him, and told him that until a couple of months ago I couldn’t see the point as things ‘are how they are’ and talking wasn’t going to change anything. His response was that there is no ‘plan’ or target to be achieved by meeting him, and that his task was to help people to explore their experiences, perhaps from angles that they would not come up with on their own.

His key piece of advice to me was to go with how I’m feeling at any given time. Not to feel like I should be walking around looking sad because others might expect it, nor to feel guilty if I find myself having a good time and a laugh.

As I drove away I started thinking of things I could have said in response to his questions…I must note them down and raise them the next time we meet.

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Responses

  1. I’m glad you are going to therapy…it has been helping me a lot and really, it’s kind of fun to say, “my therapist says…” Makes me feel very Hollywood (until I remember I’m there for a legitmate, really horrible thing that happened to me and my hubby).

    • Apparently the gentleman I have met and will meet again is not a conselor, rather he is a professional who provides bereavment support!

      Funnily enough, on the day I met him, he met my wife an hour later, and later that day some other friends we have got to know who have also suffered a loss. It was suggested that he could save himself some time by getting us all together for coffee!

      Whatever he is/does I was pleased with my first session and have arranged another meeting.

      I’m guessing its a good thing that my only point of reference for this kind of thing are Tony Soprano and Billy Crystal…though sometimes life feels more like ‘Ordinary People.’ ( I must look that film up again)

  2. I’m glad you are seeking a councellor too. I hope it helps you process things a bit.

    I have nor read all your posts – I love your blog and will follow you closely.

    I do appreciate that my blog (www.livingintherainbow) has a big faith component and this may not be your cuppa tea, but so much in your story resonates with mine and I am just a few months ahead of you.

    I found this exercise helpful – perhap a future post for you? – you could make Qu2 anon

    http://livingintherainbow.com/2009/07/12/baby-loss-meme/

    • Hi There,

      Thanks for your comment, and indeed all of the comments you have made recently.

      I am sorry to see that we have some common experiences, but delighted to make contact nonetheless.

      I’ve taken a look at the meme on your site and much of what you said there resonates very closely with my thoughts and experiences. It’s interesting that many of us have broadly similar experiences with regard to the kind of things people say etc.

      I think you are brave to answer the questions…I’m thinking about putting answers together for a future post.


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