Posted by: irishdad | July 31, 2009

Those crazy bereaved parents and their magical powers.

Any bereaved parent will tell you that as soon as your child dies you get gifted with a range of magical powers.

Chief among these new found skills is THE POWER TO MAKE PEOPLE DISAPPEAR.

This power manifests itself in a couple of ways. For example, a friend or acquaintance you haven’t heard from since your new life landed on you drops an email asking you how things are, among other pleasantries.

You think to yourself, “well my friend, you asked so I’ll tell” so you inform them in gentle terms that things aren’t fantastic because such and such has happened. You might mention that it’s great to hear from them as you need people to stay in touch.

You press send and ***Poof*** the spell is cast.

Shortly after this you may or may not get a mail saying “I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine what that must be like”….and after that,  silence.

The magic has worked, the person is gone, possibly never to be heard or seen again.

The spell is not wholly reliable though, and you never can tell who’s susceptible and who’s not.  The results can be surprising.




  1. That’s so true. I once heard it referred to as a “deafening silence.” I actually wrote a post about this – how people don’t know what to say so they don’t say anything. I’m convinced that even saying the wrong thing is better than not even acknowledging the death of my children (insert my problem with Hubby’s father and his handling of the death of the boys here). Real friends – the real caring ones that will hold you while you cry and will remember the anniversary of your daughter’s death and what should have been her birthday – those are the people you surround yourself with – the rest, if they can’t handle, they weren’t good friends to begin with.

    • I know what you mean, and agree about it being better to stumble as you say something, rather than say nothing. I appreciate that people don’t know what to say, I’ve been there myself plenty of times when faced with someone who is going through a tough time…and occasionally I have been the guy who ‘gives people there space’ and makes no contact. I’ll try to be better about these things now that I’ve been to the other side.

  2. Ah yes I know what you mean! So true and so annoying. You are the one who is going to hell and back and other people can’t seem to be there for you. They just don’t have the emotional bandwidth.

    It was a night of such interactions that made me start the blog and have somewhere to vent.

    This was my first post

    I hope you can see people appear here and not disappear!

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